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My first sonnet, need some help

Posted By: Jamil Kochai
Date: Sunday, 23 September 2012, at 8:14 p.m.

So I'm writing an Italian sonnet in iambic pentameter, but I'm not sure if I'm writing the stresses correctly I was hoping someone could take a look at it and let me know if I'm doing it correctly. I would really appreciate it. Thanks ahead of time.If its not in proper Iambic form if you could let me know which lines need revision it would be very helpful.

1st sonnet
She came from lands of falling light and fire,
running as if the sun was not to rise.
I stood and watched the veil beneath her eyes
And if she were to drop or fall or tire
Then I would leap or dive with wings; a flyer
Beneath her feet but yet above the skies
Shell land in my palm as soft as a sigh
The songs of Gods sung out in final Choir

But she does not know that Im waiting now
In all the sounds and light and trees, I call
To her but shes running, still lost, and how
I begged and cried and laughed my dear, my all
As you kept on through smoke, she did not bow
And Im still waiting for that final fall

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